“We’re excited to work with this diverse group of writers who will be able to draw out the most interesting and unexpected details from participants and their blind dates.” Sunday’s magazine will feature four dates.
Future issues will include one column, with each writer contributing monthly.
Then they’ll interview the daters and deconstruct their date through their own unique perspectives.
“So much has changed in the dating scene since Date Lab launched 11 years ago, so we wanted to refresh this feature with new energy and deeper storytelling,” said Annys Shin, editor of Date Lab.
Then I’d gob on a thick layer of eyeliner and get on the bus with my headphones on full blast so no one would talk to me.* A real social butterfly, I was. I’m really popular with men and also with therapists.
*This lasted approx 3 months before I joined the cheerleading squad and became the kind of person who LOVES PEOPLE OMG and now here we are, I’ve been writing a dating blog for 2 years and am still hopelessly alone. Every Saturday morning, we would receive the Sunday post (does this seem wrong to anyone else) so NOT ONLY did I get an extra large in-color comics section and a fuck ton of coupons for things I didn’t need, I ALSO got to read the Washington Post Magazine! They would set up strangers on blind dates, send them to (what I now know are) nice restaurants in DC, and interview them after the fact. I loved reading about bad dates because I was such a relationship person in high school it was actually sickening. A few months back, I was bored and hungover one morning so I decided to apply for Date Lab on a whim. Since I was excited and also because I’m borderline psychotic, I told all my friends that they should come watch my date.
Because “Democracy Dies in Darkness,” even the paper’s famously weird matchmaking section is shedding some disinfecting sunlight on one of the bleakest segments of contemporary humanity: the D. Neff’s Twitter profile reveals that, unsurprisingly, that station is Fox, and the show is Tucker Carlson’s.
When he was late to the restaurant and walked in to find her sipping a drink at the bar, he informed her that alcohol is “poison.” Yet Neff told Date Lab that when Smith said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to pursue a relationship, he thought, “If I were Brad Pitt, you would be”—a classic case of a man blaming a woman’s romantic disinterest on something wrong with her (in this case, her imagined superficiality) instead of his own bad personality.
I submitted my application, texted like 2 people to let them know I had applied (my typical text about seeing a cute guy at the gym goes to at least 7 people, for context) and went on my merry way. I was laying in my bed, drunk from a work happy hour at Ser and a pitcher of sangrita swirl at Lauriol Plaza, when I noticed a new email in my inbox. Naturally, I FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT and added it to my Snapchat story and several group texts. Actually, scratch that, I also knew that having a date the day after 4th of July would be bad news bears because I would definitely black out and make bad choices the day prior and our conversation would probably go something like this: Date – So how was your 4th of July weekend? I was blackout the whole fucking time and you see these bruises? My friends were already at the restaurant, and had filled the wait staff in on the situation. Like he was fine looking, but shorter than me and not exactly my type (my type, of course, being major fuckboy named Jack). J – I do consulting, and I’m a local, I’m from Vienna.
Thank you, aforementioned high school cheerleading team, for giving me the power to make this many friends. It would be at PM at Iron Gate in Dupont, a $$$ Mediterranean small plates restaurant. They instructed me to sit in the chair, and my date would sit on the bench so they could see him and I wouldn’t be distracted by their stares. I stood up to greet him and he shook my hand while I went in for a hug, which became immediately very awkward. D – Never mind that, what do you do for work and where are you from?
I’ll spare you the boring details but we talked about our jobs, he works on the Hill, yadda yadda you’ve heard it all before. It wasn’t a love connection, but we’re decent humans. We mutually agreed to rate each other a 3.5, then wrapped up dessert and headed outside. I was heading to my friend’s studio to do some recording on his podcast, and D was heading home.
Post-photoshoot, we sidled back into our seats and got on with the date. J – I work out of our office in Ballston most days. C – TELL ME HOW IT’S GOING DO YOU LIKE HIM IS IT GOOD J – Ugh no he’s dumb I hate him. This one actually drew a tear, as no one has truly lived until they have had partaken in a mug of sangrita swirl.