As a man, though, it's a little different -- we're not supposed to hurt women, we're supposed to protect them.I've never hit a woman in my life, and abhor those who do, including those who emotionally abuse their partners. In a 2011 article in Salon, Debby Herbenick, a research scientist and sexual health educator at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, was quoted as saying that no study has ever been done that would give a solid figure on how common spanking is.They knew about role play, "domestic discipline" and aftercare.And their spanking implements weren't heart-shaped, because these people weren’t just playing at it, they were hard-wired like me.It's not like slavering over cheerleaders, or fantasizing about sex on the beach at sunset.When I was a kid I used to look up the word "spanking" in the dictionary, and I got a visceral thrill when I saw a spanking scene on “Little House on the Prairie” or “I Love Lucy.” At times, spanking was an obsession, and one made all the more torturous for the shame I felt harboring it.
I thought that if, by chance, someone else felt the same way, then they'd be a dirty old man with a grubby overcoat and bulging eyes. I didn't choose to be kinky in this way, any more than a man or woman chooses to be straight or gay.She told me it was sick and made me see a psychotherapist who, I found out later, labeled me in her notes as a sexual sadist.Another heaping of shame from my girlfriend, and a horrifying diagnosis from a professional. The thing is, I was beginning to suspect I wasn't sick.A server approached us, a pretty young lady no more than 20 years old. I knew the rules, they'd been emailed to everyone before the party, so no doubt she did, too. These people were true aficionados, who'd wielded (and felt) those paddles, as well as hairbrushes, floggers and straps, for years.Her name tag said, "Melanie," and with a polite, almost shy, smile she asked what we'd like to drink. And they were very strict: if she messed up our order, spilled one drop, or even let our glasses go empty, she'd get a spanking. And then I became nervous for me: would I have to administer it? They knew that the technique for caning is different from the one you use to crop.