Admittedly, I become frustrated with leaders or counselors who too quickly encourage the abandoned spouse to accept that it’s over and move on. However, my experience is that too often we don’t count on the power of God and, therefore, make premature judgments about how hopeless a situation might be. I think that’s a fairly good word to use when God’s involved.
I’ll make another admission; I’ve gone through marriage intensives with couples that at the end I would have predicted there was no way they would heal their marriage. For example, recently a couple came through our weekend intensive workshop for marriages in crisis that shared a remarkable story. Like so many others they didn’t understand the danger and forged ahead with a friendship that was destined to become a passion.
It’s much more likely that the abandoning spouse will avoid anything that might convince him or her to stop the new relationship and heal the marriage.
However, I’ve witnessed case after case in which those marriages were saved, sometimes even after the divorce took place.
Maybe your abandoning spouse had a period of hesitation.
He or she tried to end the affair, and told you that they were willing to work on the marriage.
The night she told her husband her plans, the emotion was so intense that soon she was in a deep sleep. The real cause of her deep slumber was the depth of her emotional state.
One couple remarried after being divorced ten years! There are marriages that are doomed and no matter what happens, it will end and never be healed.
On the other hand, for many years I’ve seen the salvaging of marriages that seemingly everyone else has given up on.
My faith in people has been strengthened by experiencing God intervening in lives even when a person wanted God to leave him or her alone to do what they wanted to do.
A straying partner who has convinced him- herself that life will be wonderful with the new person seldom decides that before he or she leaves they should take one more run at saving the marriage.