ie, FOREVER AGO FACEBOOK OMG LOL, yet sometimes it still nags at me. what's inexplicable is when some dude you hit it off with who SEEMS TOTALLY AWESOME and wants to HANG OUT WITH YOU ALL THE TIME and really seems to like HAVING SEX WITH YOU and insists upon MEETING YOUR FRIENDS and texts you FIVE TIMES A DAY, which in girltexts is like 99 times a day, all of a sudden drops off the face of the motherfucking earth. we all do it, we all rake ourselves over the mental coals trying to find an explanation for why some talking gorilla with the IQ of a houseplant doesn't want to stick his dick in us anymore. I TWEET," and even though i didn't even understand how twitter worked at the time (i still don't; WHAT THE FUCK IS "TRENDING?!and can smell this shitstorm coming a mile away so you just pack up the little emotional investment you've made and file it away in your brain's asshole library before you leave a toothbrush at his place; or you are and try to save this sinking ship despite the fact that everything he's doing is making you feel SO FUCKING BAD and he's blowing you off and lying to you and is too much of a pussy to say "stop calling me," so he lets you hang yourself and feel like garbage until someone new comes along which might not happen for a really long time and then you're stuck in this shitty place for longer than you deserve to be. so i've come up with what is basically a foolproof method to get myself over some piece of shit asshole who tricked me into thinking he liked me (and maybe he did for five minutes but WHATEVER) and really did seem like someone i might want to let see me in my meat shirt and my inside pants. i always chip my manicure five minutes after it dries. and but you only get one day to be mean to yourself. you can be as sad as you want for as long as you need to, but the self-hate stops after one goddamned day. " welp) i followed him and he followed me and i spent two weeks reading all of his totally fucking stupid tweets (he's one of those jerkbags who tweets from the toilet, OMG) and trying to decipher the veiled sexual innuendo in them to several of his female followers.Hey, that woman might even be me, and two years post-divorce it’s safe to say I’m not getting any younger! So, without further adieu, here are seven reasons why you saga. Suffering from RBF is like having a built-in man repellent.
sorry again, babydoll, those things are now casualties of war.
forget that he wore pink dress shirts to dinner and couldn't pronounce the name of that fancy vodka he ordered, he was SO GREAT and i am OBVIOUSLY NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE WITH HIM. nothing is a secret, and there's no break-up code that says he has to dutifully delete any of your incriminating evidence out of respect for what you lovebirds had that never was.
i forget every flaw, every weird hang-up, every single thing he did that made me think, and start beating myself up about how awful and horrible and terrible and unloveable i am. that is an archive of all the ways you embarrassed yourself when he stopped calling you, you fucking jackass.
Resting Bitch Face or RBF, the description given to women who look, um, bitchy even when they’re not, is being debated everywhere. Though, judging by my own RBF, you’d never know it.
As a woman who has gone through life being asked if I’m okay or if I’m mad, being told I’m scary or that I have a bad attitude, and simply being misunderstood by those who don’t know me well, I’m relieved this “syndrome” is finally being given the attention it deserves. But, because of our condition, life and, consequently, dating is a tad bit harder for us than it is for those chronically “perky” women so many men believe they want. You may feel like you’re dating one of the Queen’s Guard but, I assure you, we’re much better in bed. Since we usually only look bitchy, when we actually become bitchy we may take you by surprise.