We may cling to an unhealthy new relationship because we haven’t yet healed from the old.So we need to understand what the rebound relationship is all about.You are now older, have a lot more responsibilities than you did in your early 20s, and may have children.That said, there are a lot of positive things about “mature” dating.As a result, I often I hear divorced women say things such as, “I hate dating,” and “there are no good men left.” This view point will negatively impact, if not sabotage, any effort to find new love. If you’re feeling stuck in negative emotions such as anger and resentment, my suggestion is that you first commit to the on-going work of developing a more positive and open mindset, what world-renowned Stanford University psychologist and author Carol Dweck describes as a “growth mindset.” Simply put, a growth mindset is the willingness to embrace our challenges as opportunities for change and growth.Furthermore, Dweck states that true healing can only occur when we are in this mindset.Expecting your new romantic partner to be your “knight in shining armor” 2.
Not long after I began dating after divorce, I found myself in love with a man who could not have been more different than my ex.
However, if despite your efforts, you find that you are unable to make this shift on your own, seek out professional help such as a therapist and/or a coach, develop a yoga and mindfulness practice, and emerge yourself in a supportive environment with like-minded people and uplifting content (books, audios, podcasts, etc.) In addition to feeling better in your everyday life, your experience of dating will be radically different.
Finding yourself single and dating again after a divorce will require you getting used to your “new reality.” You are older, your body may be a little (or a lot) different than it was the last time you were dating, you may have “baggage” (exes, children, etc.) – and so will the men you will be dating!
In many cases, divorced women who are starting to date experience two processes simultaneously – on the one hand, they may still be recovering from an ended marriage (this can a long time, and is natural,) while on the other hand, they are ready to move forward, date and embrace their new singleness.
The majority of my divorced clients, most of whom were married for 15-25 years, quickly discover that the modern dating scene is very different from what they once remember.