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Or is one of you doing it just to please the other—or attempt to rescue a southward-bound relationship?

Clarifying why you want to participate in a threesome not only helps you find the right people to pair up with, but it can also help you feel more grounded going into the endeavor—thus less likely to feel badly if things don’t pan out as you’d hoped, Joannides says.

Even the possibility that you or your partner may fall for the third (or vice versa) says Joannides.

Boundaries are crucial when venturing into the territory of group sex, Marin says. Your threesome fantasy may vastly differ from the images your partner has in his or her head. “Also, ask the third what he or she is comfortable with and what things they wouldn’t want to do.

Be sure to listen to your third’s boundaries and needs as well, Joannides says.

This includes being mindful of how they will get home.

(Or you and your partner could just want someone to watch you have sex.) Whatever your thing(s), no preference large or small should be left unvoiced.

Communication helps prevent everyone from getting hurt.

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